L2G5 Rock On!

+wad will i do+

wad will i do if im not afraid?

lotsa things. if im not afraid of the consequences or wad will happen afterwards,

i wld have slapped a few ppl. (at the moment none..past incidents i've all forgive n forget le..in the future maybe? hopefully i wont do it la..i scared i act on impluse n rage)

i wld have hugged a few ppl. (more than 5)

i wld have punched a few ppl. (at the moment oso none..but last time got..in the future i noe confirm will have, but i hope n i pray i will not do so)

i wld have confessed to a few ppl. (2?)

i wld have a fight with a few ppl. (i cant really think how many ppl is in this group..or maybe i juz put it here for fun..)

i wld have LOVED a few ppl. (>10... love got lotsa different type of love..love of a fren, love of a brother or a sister etc..)

i wld have HATED a few ppl. (<1 = 0 i dun want to hate..that means i put here for fun)

i wld have told a few ppl off. (quite a number, it juz that im afraid i'll hurt that all that ppl)

i wld have hurt quite a few ppl's feelings with the things i want to say. (i dunno how many ppl..similar to above)

others wld have hurt me for saying things that i have said and when i said already, the feedback or outcome from them isnt good. (<5 this is also called the fear of rejection whether by a fren or by anyone else)

i wld have cried in front of u guys.

i wld have acted cool and numb to ppl instead of acting like a clown. but im afraid some ppl cannot accept or take this.

i wld have screamed at some ppl for being so stubborn, so insensitive, so rude, so ridiculous, so selfish, so self-centered, so stucked-up, so unloving to themselves n others, so uncaring, so impractical, so study-driven, so inconsiderate, so "always lonely", so "treat everything like a joke", so cold towards others n me, having such a black face and attitude (AP), having such a sian-diao face n attitude, so low-esteemed and for having such a hardened heart which will never open up and that i juz cant seem to melt it or get into it..

i wld have shared some of my situations with u guys.

i wldnt have crapped so much.

i wldnt n cldnt be concerned for u guys. i wldnt care about wadever sai. (but i noe and im afraid i'll be pretty lonely in school..not only that, i noe n im afraid i wld hurt n scare some of u..anyway,its not like i can juz talk n make good frenz with others as easily as some of u guys do or u guys think that i do...)

ok..that is almost all ba...pon classes pon tests all that, ive done b4 le..im more afraid of the emotional impact of my actions and others' actions than the physical impact they have on my life..cuz i take a longer time to heal my heart than my flesh.

-wayne

p.s. if u guys want more specific details about the above, why dont we spend some time to juz sit down n chill n talk about stuffs? i hope its not that difficult ba..like wad i told yutai, this is the 1st time in my life that i have to make an appointment weeks ahead with frenz juz to go out for a dinner. last time in sec school, things like this doesnt happen..we juz say go eat dinner or go shopping or drink coffee after school, and we juz did it ..now, its like making appointment with a dentist like dat..im afraid the next time i wanna go out with u all, i have to pay u guys juz for a few hours of ur time..

p.p.s. pls remb to sign off, cuz it took me a few minutes to figure out who wrote wad..

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